Sometimes I wish that I could pull a fucking gun to my head, pull the trigger, and feel the bullet zoom through my brain, not killing me, but wiping away all my emotions with one big swoop. Magical bullets. I wished those existed. My mind feels like it's going a thousand miles per hour again and I wish it would just slow down. It wants to feel everything in this world, it's sucking it in like some big black hole. Everything. I almost cried at a freakin' pep rally! That's pathetic. Pathetic. Pathetic! LoL. I can't believe that almost happened. And one stupid customer today made me soo angry. Well, not that angry, but it made my blood boil. Fucking ignorant asshole. Everything in my life is intensified and it's crazy. I don't know how to deal with it. I don't know how to react. Sometimes I wish I could just push it all back to the dusty corner in the back of my brain and not think about it ever again, but another part of me doesn't want that, cause life seems different that way. It seems darker and gloomier. While now, I see the dark and the light sides and it's just so much to take in I don't know...I feel like I'm floating and flying at the same time. It's like I'm zooming past things at this intense rate, I'm going so fast that I don't feel like I'm moving, but really I'm moving faster then I can actually feel.

I really don't want to go to group today because I just want to be by myself. But somehow, just being around people and talking about pointless shit with fake superficial asses seems to cheer me up. God, that use to make you soo depressed. People use to make me so depressed. And now, I don't know! They cheer me up? I find beauty in their strengths and weaknesses. And strangely feel oddly connected with them in a way I have never felt before. It's driving me insane!

Not really. But it just amazes just how complex some people can be. And in the complexity there is so much simplicity. There's always that one part that's the same like everyone else.

Awww. Tricker or Treaters!

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