I had a dream last night. I didn't like it. It just confirms my suspicions. I woke up fucking shaking. The feelings in my dream felt so fucking familiar. Someone close to me hurted me. I seek comfort from my mom, and in the dream she wasn't able to help me. I wanted to tell the counselor at my school but I was afraid to. I didn't want them to blame the person. I didn't want them to blame me. I was afraid to tell my mom because I was scared she wouldn't believe me. The person was so close to us. I wanted to cry but I couldn't. I just started running. I had a knife in my pocket because I felt safe. It was the knife I use to cut myself with. I thought the person was going to hurt me for not doing what the person wanted. But when the phone rang and it was my mom, the person gave me the phone like nothing happened. I sounded real calm on the phone. The person wanted me to touch her (in the dream it was female, in real life it's probably male) to make her come. I ran off. After the incident, when I was at school, I felt so alone. I wanted to tell someone but I felt like I couldn't. I pretended that everything was alright. Fuck. My past and my present are intermingled in the dream. I'll explain it more in detail when I get back from work. If I bloody remember it. I'm scared. I want Mistress.

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