Monday. 3.28.05 9:04 pm
As always I resort back to this journal when my feelings get too overwhelming. It's not really overwhelming I just have to think. This is a place where I can sort out my thoughts and feelings. Somethings been bothering me. I don't know what. Well, I do but I don't. Okay, I really do.
It's just sometimes I wonder if she'll ever love me as much as she loved her.
Does she love me as much as she loved her?
Maybe it's just me.
Am I always going to want more?
I don't talk to another person half as much as I use to.
I feel something changing inside of me. And I'm scared.
Maybe it's dallas.
Maybe it's not.
I don't know. I don't know.
I'm scared of getting hurt.
The child within me wants so badly to experience the world. He was out when I was there. The innocence and bubbling curiosity. Freedom to be who he is. I didn't have to protect him there. He felt safe. How often does he feel safe? Not here. Not often. Never here. Never ever here. It seems I've set up some kind of defense mechanism to keep him safe. Sometimes he comes out. When I get hurt, he gets hurt worse. I haven't talked about him in a while. I haven't talked this way in a while. He felt safe with her. My head hurts. He sleeps.
All I want to do is cry.
I'm so fustrated.
If you are a member, try logging in again or accessing this page here.