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Ponderings while I'm at work
Monday. 1.24.05 7:43 pm
My raging jealousy is starting to annoy me. I don't see how it doesn't annoy Candice. It annoys me! And now, I'm not sure why I'm jealous. I guess I'm just jealous, or envious, that I'm not the one there that gets to sleep with her. I don't get to watch her sleep. I don't get to touch her physically. I find myself wishing that I could be there. That I could be close to her. Forever and ever. Heh. And sometimes I find myself thinking that she deserves a lot better. Of all the people in the world, why did she fall for me? She deserves someone that can give her what I can't. Why did she pick me? There's a lot of sweet people out in the world. And then I get to thinking, am I selfish in my love? I can't help not loving her. Does my love some how confine her and hold her back from her dreams? I would never want to do that to her. Never ever. No matter how much it hurt me, it would hurt me more to know that's she's not happy. And of course there is Amber. Amber. Amber. Amber. The infamous Amber. I don't even know how I feel about her. It's not that I don't like her. I'm just very very very intimidated, I think. I haven't been intimidated in a very long time. And the vibe that I got from them was just scary. Well, it wasn't scary, it was just very very intense. And it's probably why I'm still so god damn emotional right now. And I've been able to read people like crazy today.
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